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by Lanny Carruthers:

For the record, I do not care for Papa John’s pizza.  But I have been a long-time admirer of Papa John’s Founder John Schnatter for his founding of a great company and business acumen.  However, Schnatter has announced plans to step down as the company’s CEO on Thursday.

Following Schnatter’s remarks slamming NFL leadership for the ongoing national anthem protests, many called for his resignation.  The White Supremacist website, The Daily Stormer posted an article asking if Papa John’s was the “official pizza of the alt-right”.  This only threw fuel on the fire of those protesting against Papa John’s and Schnatter.

Peter Collins, Senior Director of Public Relations for Papa John’s released a statement saying, “We condemn racism in all forms, and any and all hate groups that support it.  We do not want these individuals or groups to buy our pizza.”  However, Collins did not say how they intend to prevent these individuals or groups from buying their pizza.

So, I guess in light of that statement and Schnatter’s resignation, Papa John’s corporate members quietly supports individuals and groups that include child molesters, murderers, and rapists.  With all the moral and criminal issues floating around the mainstream media, you would think Papa John’s would feel ordained to comment on those issues as it has done with the national anthem protests.

So, with Papa John’s ringing in the New Year with new leadership, I foresee a new customer discount program to be implemented.  The new program requirements are briefly outlined as follows:

Colin Kaepernick VIP Level:

  • Eligible upon initial registration on our discount program website.
  • This level open to undocumented immigrants and United States Citizens.
  • For every 16 pizzas ordered you will receive the 17th pizza free.
  • By registering for our customer discount program we will send you a free autographed photo of Colin Kaepernick eating a Papa John’s Pizza.

The Jerry Sandusky VIP Level:

  • Must be a media confirmed child molester according to the mainstream news media or convicted by a court of law.
  • This level open to undocumented immigrants and United States Citizens.
  • Discounts available depending on how many children you are alleged or convicted of molesting: no proof necessary.
  • For a one-time fee of $4.99, you will receive a Jerry Sandusky signed football or basketball of your choice with the Papa John’s logo.

The Jose Inez Garcia Zarate VIP Level (Kate Steinle’s murderer):

  • Must be an alleged or convicted murderer.
  • This level open to undocumented immigrants and United States Citizens.
  • Discounts available depending on how many murders you are alleged or convicted of committing: no proof necessary.
  • For a one-time fee of $9.95, you will receive a plastic replica of the gun used in Kate Steinle’s murder with the Papa John’s logo.

The Bill Clinton VIP Level:

  • Must be an alleged, convicted rapist, or sexual predator.
  • This level open to undocumented immigrants and United States Citizens.
  • Discounts available depending on how many rapes or allegations of sexual misconduct you are alleged or convicted of committing: no proof necessary.
  • For a one-time fee of $3.00, you will receive a Bill Clinton Signature Cigar in special packaging emblazoned with the Papa John’s logo for your enjoyment after your Papa John’s meal. $1.00 of this fee will be donated to the Clinton Foundation.

*Excluded persons include family and employees of Papa John’s and its affiliates unless they qualify according to the above level qualifications.  VIP level terms and conditions may change without further notice.

As ludicrous and reprehensible as this discount program sounds, the injection of a company into moral and social issues is just as ludicrous and reprehensible.

If Papa John’s or any other company abhor and publicly comment on certain political, religious or moral views (right or wrong as they may be) those companies should put in place procedures to make sure people that hold whatever views they abhor do not purchase their products.

Otherwise, shut up and sell pizza!

 

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